Waiting...

Yesterday was very hot and the college was flooded with NAGTY children. I think I was delirious in the afternoon and I did something I regret. However, I do not wish to divulge it here. I thought, given the afternoon's lack of productivity and somewhat questionable behaviour that I would not be in the "zone" last night. (The "zone" being the mindset where nothing matters but the task in hand. And time just flys by and you suddenly emerge wondering why there is no music playing, when it finished hours ago. ) However last evening I did find myself in this place. It was mainly however fruitless.

I had told myself that if my code showed absolutely no promise by today then I would rethink the problem. Thankfully, the code is now calculating something. Yesterday it definitely wasn't doing anything and I couldn't work out why- but then I had a moment of realisation when I recalled I had changed notation a few days ago and had not switched parameters accordingly. So now it's doing something. I can say with absolute certainty that it is not correct, but I at least have something to build up from. Now comes to more arduous task of trying to find the errors. My program is now 17 pages of A4 long and I can not really remember what every little bit does... this will be very heavy weather.

I have spent today trying to eradicate the errors in my code. It is such a long process and I see very little results. It was all too much for me about mid afternoon when I couldn't work out why something was being multiplied by 2 for seemingly no reason and I just had to sit in the courtyard area to pull myself together. I did manage to hold back the tears, mainly. I have since worked out what happened, but again I have hit another stumbling block.

I need to not think about this code before I sleep as this morning something very bizarre happened. I dreamt that someone was shouting the first few lines of my program to me through the window and clearly this was upsetting for me so I must have left my room. I woke up on the bathroom floor at 6am. I am really glad no one found me; this is one massive risk of communal living.

I spoke to my parents today. I must never, ever tell them what I do to pass the time.

And I'm waiting again. I have decided to be positive though. There is a nice quote that I have to keep telling myself to stop myself from giving up, "Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." Unfortunately I think this was written to console those who are not successful, so suitably I have adopted it as my maxim.