Sunday 31 August 2008

Back in Blighty

  1. I lost my luggage in Zurich on the way over to Germany. This was mainly my own fault. And when I say mainly, I mean definitely. So I lost the slides I had prepared for my talk. Shit. I rushed to make a few notes before I had to give it. It was amusing when I got there and was greeted by "You're the speaker?!" I think the organiser was generally very disappointed; when I delved into my bag to withdraw a single sheet of screwed up paper he exclaimed "is that all you've got?!" Sadly, yes... I am THAT crap. Regardless I ploughed on. It turns out I can just stand at the board and speak unrehearsed for long periods of time. Whether I spoke competantly is a different matter...

  2. The Institute is fantastic. Seriously plush. I now have my 24-hour access card, which is so exciting! The library is to die for. Simply amazing.

  3. The city itself is very beautiful. I can't believe that I am lucky enough to get to live there. And live there I shall, in less than 4 weeks now... I need to start thinking about what I am going to take. I need to create a shortlist for the books, CDs and DVDs. I have limited room, but I don't want to get out there and lament the loss of either my Poirot books or my Poirot DVDs. Maybe I could do an X-factor/ America's Next Top Model type thing. "Congratulations Michael Jackson's Thriller, you will continue on in hopes of being in Steph's suitcase..." Maybe not.

  4. I discovered 2 more HORRIFIC typos in my dissertation. This makes me very annoyed with myself. I can't believe they slipped through the net.

Thursday 21 August 2008

The Curse of Attractive Friends.

  1. Email correspondence with Germany would suggest some of them think that my name is Sarah. I have subtly tried to hint that this is not my name, but to no avail. I hope that this won't have any awkward consequences when I am there next week. In hindsight I probably should have just said "this is not my name." To be safe, I won't put my name on any slides I may use there.

  2. I met Anna for lunch today. We did some shopping. Well, Anna did, because clothes look good on her. I hate changing rooms and the looks that the immaculate shop assistants give you when ushering you into a harshly lit cubicle. I just know they are thinking when I am

    On the way in:
    a) Oh my god, you have no fashion sense, you just picked up the trick outfit in the shop.
    b) Oh my god, you are never going to fit in that. That would look so much better on me.

    On the way out:
    a) That's it, put it back and walk shamefully from the shop..
    b) See, I told you. Now, put it back and walk shamefully from the shop..

    Clothes shopping must be performed as one would pull off a plaster: it must be done with maximum speed and at the appropriate time to ensure minimal pain. Unfortunately there will always be pain.

    Tips for successful shopping

    (i) Try to enter the cubicles when the shop assistant is elsewhere.
    (ii) Choose a cubicle that is not near people. Remember that the curtains do not always fit perfectly and the last thing you want is nearby people to catch anything unsightly.
    (iii) If you need to make a potentially stressful purchase: go alone. I had a traumatic bikini shopping experience with two friends when I was 18. Result: no bikini, tears and I had to watch them parade round modeling perfectly fitting items multiple times.
    (iv) If someone from a cosmetics counter tries to make eye contact with you- run. Especially if it is these people. I have only been foolish enough to be trapped once. They made me "look at my face closely" in an indecently magnified mirror to "highlight my problem areas." Like I don't know what they are already! They knock your confidence and then convince you that you need their products to hide these errors. Then before you know it you're at the till handing over your screaming credit card as they scan a load of previously unpriced miracle products that "you simply must have." Don't put yourself through it.

  3. I downloaded some German podcasts today. I had to create a new play list for them on my iPod. I didn't really relish the idea of messing with my nicely collated system- but needs must.

  4. I managed to make the best tasting piece of toast I have ever had today. I think it was almost perfect. I'll probably never be able to replicate such excellence again. However, as toast is my signature dish- I'm sure I will have plenty of practice.

Wednesday 20 August 2008

Duvet Comfort

Today I felt really low. So much so that half way through the afternoon I just hid under my duvet to try and make it all go away. Reasons why, at 22 years old, I feel the need to resort to such a childish method, not of resolution, but of comfort:

  1. I feel very stupid and like there is no point moving somewhere where everyone will realise that I am no where near intelligent enough to continue with maths.
  2. I'm scared I am not going to make any friends.
I am just very scared. I am worried that I have made the wrong decision, but I am more worried that I haven't actually made a decision myself.

Then I thought for fuck's sake. Get a grip.

  1. I really want to go to Germany. I love doing what I'm doing and it is such an amazing opportunity.
  2. If I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough and I'd have to deal with that anyway.
So now I am watching "Saw 3" with my brother and writing some slides. My main problem with this film is that the wife seems to be of Indian or Iranian descent.. yet the children look suspiciously caucasion.

Tuesday 19 August 2008

PART 4: A new arrival and a murder

For Gareth.

PART 1: The guests arrive.

PART 2: A woman scorned.
PART 3: Breakfast and a shooting party.

PART 4: A new arrival and a murder

It was some time later when Poirot carefully screwed the top back on his ink pen, returned it to the silver-plated pen stand and tucked the newly inked letter away into his breast pocket. Standing up from the mahogany writing table he smiled to himself as he observed Captain Severs’ head lolling over the broad sheet he had spread over his knees, which had been swung casually up on to the arm of the elegant leather sofa.

Poirot walked over to the window and looked out over the garden. He admired the perfect lines of the wide, green lawns and he appreciated the full bloom of the flower beds. Sitting by the folly far down into the garden sat Lady Cheerton with Miss Jenni Ruth. Thinking to himself that that moment would be ideal to take a turn in the garden his eyes traced the path back up to the house. Suddenly he stopped. There was a man poking around in the ferns. But this was certainly no gardener, the cut of the man’s scarlet red jumper told otherwise and far as Poirot could tell this was no member of the party. There was a rustle from behind him and frowning slightly Poirot turned slowly away from the window. Captain Severs had awoken with a start,

“Oh hello there Poirot. Just resting my eyes for a moment.”

Captain Severs turned his eyes back to the broad sheet.

“I say, just look at this wonderful investment opportunity Poirot.”

Poirot rolled his eyes and turned back to the window. The man had gone.

* * * *

It was another hour before Poirot had readied himself and leaving Captain Severs to his reading Poirot exited to the garden. He took the side door and walked through the flower gardens along the side of the house. When he eventually came to the point where he had seen the man from the window poking around he stopped, took out his handkerchief, placed it carefully on the floor and knelt on it. Parting the shoots gently her peered in.

“Aha,” Poirot muttered in triumph as he reached in and pulled out a small piece of glass.

Raising it in the air Poirot examined it carefully; it was unmistakably the remains of the bulb of a pipette. Poirot stood up, straightened his clothes and thoughtfully wrapped the piece of glass in his handkerchief and secreted it into his pocket, before continuing to walk through the garden.

As he approached the folly he saw an additional figure at the garden table with Lady Cheerton and Miss Jenni and smiling to himself he walked purposefully towards the figure in the fitted scarlet jumper.

* * * *

“Ah my dear Monsieur Poirot” chorused Lady Cheerton as she saw Poirot approach, “do come and join us.”

Poirot declined his head in a polite little nod and took a seat opposite the new arrival.

“Well, Monsieur Poirot, let me introduce Dr Care.”

The new arrival extended his arm and the two men exchanged a brief, but firm handshake.

“Dr Care has just this moment arrived to join our little party,” continued Lady Cheerton “he joins us from America.” And then after a slight pause, she reproached “with little warning I must say.”

“The famous Monsieur Poirot,”
drawled the man in red, seemingly unperturbed by the Lady’s reprove.

"Quite,” replied Poirot.

“Why, Lady Cheerton, I must compliment you on your so beautiful flower beds. Zhey are most agreeable, are zhey not Dr Care?”

“Oh I wouldn’t know about all that, Poirot,” laughed Dr Care, “I haven’t had chance to look around yet. I just this second got here.”

“Ah oui, but zhere iz still time to ‘av a poke around, eh monsieur?”

Poirot smiled at Dr Care, who smiled back. The smile did not spread to his eyes.

* * * *

The gong for luncheon sounded at precisely 1.15 and Poirot, having one last glance to ensure his reflection was parfait, started to the dinning room with Captain Severs. As they turned the corner to take the wide sweeping stairs to the entrance hall, Poirot stopped abruptly. Looking up at him from the entrance hall was a cluster of people: Lady Cheerton, Reverand Cheerton, Dr Gangle, Trevelyan and Dr Care. They stood around a figure on the floor.

“It’s Professor Glasgow,” came the shaky voice of Lady Cheerton,

“He’s dead!”

Monday 18 August 2008

loss of internet access=the unthinkable

The administration sent me an email today to tell me that they have found me somewhere to live. It appears that I will be living on the outskirts of Narnia... or at least in something of comparable size. I'd actually quite like to live near Narnia. I'm not sure where I'd be more likely to make friends; in reality or in a fictional place. Actually, I think I know the answer to this... and it would depend on if it were my fictional place or somebody else's (which may be reality?) This is not what worries me though. As of yet I am uncertain as to if there is an internet connection. I can't not have an internet connection. What the hell would I do with my time? Seriously, I can't even imagine not having constant email access, ArXiv access, msn, facebook, the webcomics... I would literally have to stay in my office all the fucking time.

Pros:
  1. Very close to institute. Could walk there.
  2. Situated in town.
  3. Reasonably priced.
  4. Wouldn't have to share/ pretend to be normal around an unknown entity (flatmate). I doubt I'd be able to cope with a new person judging me all the time. God, I can imagine them inviting friends around and them all commenting on me in a foreign language that I don't understand and I wouldn't even know! And I wouldn't be able to ask because then that would make me look strange and they'd talk about that. It would be a vicious cycle. No. This can not happen.
  5. Wouldn't have to run the risk of having any input into this arrangement myself.

Cons:
  1. There may be no internet connection.
I suppose I could attempt to nurture some sort of fledging social life. But at what cost? I am certain I don't want it to be at the cost of my daily wikipedia dose. No sir!

Sunday 17 August 2008

Quiz Time

I just had this sent to me. My result concerns me. What does "n1 anxiety, n2 awkwardness, n3 neuroticism" actually mean? What are these unknown units?

Will I ever get married?

Apparently not.

I mentioned to my mum that I have been invited to a person I knew from high school's wedding.

"Oh really! ..... It's a shame you'll never get married."

"Erm? Why is that?"

"Well, you're doing this PhD."

"Oh."

I didn't really know what to say to this, but apparently "I have made my decision" and my mum "doesn't blame me" because "I've always been different, not like any of the other little girls" and "I never wanted to look nice."

Ouch.

I know that she probably doesn't mean to be insulting, but my mum really knows how to destroy any self-esteem I can manage to muster.

On a more Olympic-based note, team GB are doing very well. I can't believe we're 3rd on the medals table! From the whole games highlights have to have been:

1. Michael Phelps' history-making performance.
2. Men's 100m.
3. Women's 800m free.
4. Women's marathon.

Today I booked some flights. Task 1 for the day complete. Task 2: feel less of a failure as both a daughter and a female.

Friday 15 August 2008

Doubles on Table Tennis just looks odd...

I am now sleeping around the BBC coverage of the Olympics. This is not too different from my usual sleeping patterns- except now I have a legitimate reason for this.

Pro: I can watch the Olympics all the time.
Con: I am watching the Olympics all the time...

... and doing nothing else. I really need to book some flights and write a talk, but I have over a week to do this. I hope this won't cut into any precious "Olympic-watching" time.

Question I was asked: Can you think of a non-closed subgroup of a Lie group?
My Answer: Take {(e1+ae2}t : t real} with a irrational, in the torus. This is not-closed. It is dense.

This question got me thinking about Lie groups and I have spent some time learning more about their classification via root systems and Dynkin diagrams. I like the simple combinatorics of the Dynkin diagram. With the new knowledge I have acquired snippets of some of the talks I went to last week are suddenly making much more sense. Perhaps it would have been better for me to have been asked this question earlier...

Hmm... as I await my next installment of Olympic goodness I just turned on The Grudge by accident. I think I am now a bit scared. Thank goodness BBC Parliament has been suspended for more coverage. Also, I love my red button privileges.

That's all from us here in the Bird's Nest. Until tomorrow..

Thursday 14 August 2008

In training

Eurgghh I feel like shit!

I stayed up last night to watch the swimming. I really wanted to see the women's relay, that WE WEREN'T IN!! Watched the shocker of Lisbeth Trickett qualify in 9th position and then make it through by the skin of her teeth via a disqualification. And of course, any race, heat or otherwise with Michael Phelps is a must.

I was going to go to bed after this but then I got trapped watching men's gymnastics.. and I'm still up. I'm not sure this was a good idea given I actually have real appointments to keep today.
I don't know, the lengths we athletes go to to support our country...

But the Olympics is really worth it. I can't wait for the athletics to start. Go team GB!

Monday 11 August 2008

"I'm through accepting limits, just 'cus someone says they're so"

  1. I apparently left the gas on today.
    Pro: The fact that it has been a while since I have done this is surely a positive thing.
    Con: I left the gas on.

  2. I love the musical Wicked. I love the song Defying Gravity. I find this motivating, but not an "Eye of the Tiger" kind of motivating, which makes me feel obliged to exercise. As a result this song has now made it on to my iPod. I am not sure why any music I put on there has to go through a stringent checking period whereby I probe my mind demanding to know exactly how much I like to song and which of my playlists it can be appropriately placed into. It is not as if my iPod is short of space. I also honed my playlists today. There are 3 of them: "Algebraic Geometry", "Number Theory" and "Geometry." Defying Gravity has been added to the "Number Theory" playlist.

  3. I think I really like Idina Manzel.

  4. My EHIC came today. I am now entitled to the same health insurance as a native person in other European countries. Basically, I am now in a position to look for health insurance.

  5. I have eaten 3 packets of crisps today. I am such a heffa.

Sunday 10 August 2008

The week gone by...

I have spent the last week at a conference on "Multiple Dirichlet Series and Applications to Automorphic forms" in Edinburgh. I really enjoyed it. Some of the talks were very interesting. Notably "Arithmetic analysis of the multiple zeta values" by Alexander Goncharov, "Quasi modular forms" by YoungJu Choie and "Unitary Periods" by Omer Offen. It has really given me a lot to think about. The good think about conferences is that if there is a a talk that you don't particularly understand (and at my low level; this is a guarantee) you can just work on your own material and you obtain "free maths." I feel like this week I have had some very productive hours.

The weather in Edinburgh was not very good. When I was walking around the castle with a person I met at the conference the heavens just opened and we got absolutely drenched. This set the precedence for the week, as the weather continued to be shit. The castle was very impressive though. Instead of taking accommodation with the participants I stayed with a friend of mine (Paul) who graduated from my university the year before to do his PhD in Differential Geometry in Edinburgh. This was pleasant, we cooked nice food, saw some street performers, went dry-wall climbing and in one of the rare breaks in between the showers we climbed Arthur's seat. The view from there was beautiful. His flat is amazing- he is like a real person now. Very grown up. It was a very tiring week. I had to get up at 7.30 am each morning and because Paul wasn't rising until much later we went to bed quite late. It was all worth it though. I had a great time!

On my way back home I dropped in to visit John and Kirsty (and Luke) in Durham. This was fun. We watched Princess Mononoke, which is absolutely fantastic. John introduced me to World of Warcraft. Although I initially mocked; this is potentially something I may do. I can see myself now in Germany- rushing back to my poky bedsit (note: this is actually wishful thinking on my part given I still am yet to make any headway on "operation find somewhere to live") to carry out fictional quests. We met our (ex-)lecturer for coffee and had "good maths chat." Although it made me feel a bit sad that I wouldn't be around next year, instead I'll be elsewhere not able to access my email on some Unix based computer...

Moral of the week: people do not relish being filmed on my video phone. Although apparently this makes me laugh a lot.

Result of the week: I feel happy.

Friday 1 August 2008

Sorting things out.

Today I felt I needed to do something productive. What motivated this? Fear. Big, fat, stomach-tightening fear. Plus I did something last night which makes me question my sanity (sometimes I just shouldn't be allowed an unmonitored internet connection), so I felt the time had arrived to re-balance the situation. So I...

  1. Applied for a European ID card. This was a lot harder than it sounds as it involved walking from my Doctor's to the post office multiple times and making many phone calls to a variety of different offices, many of which had no idea what I was talking about. I remain convinced if they don't know how to answer a question they just give the caller the phone number of the extension on the next desk. Frankly, I am surprised I didn't just give up, go home and succomb to the ever present and overwhelming urge to lie around in my pyjamas eating custard creams.

  2. Sent a rather pathetic email to the place I am going to in Germany detailing the fact that I really can't live on my own and would it be possible for me to flat-share? I think that would be much better (for me) as I truly am inept. I keep having all too real mental images of me setting fire to something or having a gas leak or a burst pipe and having literally no idea what to do. I mean, I had the fire-brigade out twice and British gas out once in one week last year when I was left alone for these very reasons! To be fair, they were all mainly false alarms, but I can't imagine what I'd be like in a country where I don't speak the language. Perhaps less 999-happy...? Or whatever the European equivalent of 999 is. [Note: find out.]

  3. Emailed my supervisor to arrange a telephone meeting. Yet another thing to worry about!

  4. Finally declined my offer from the graduate school at my former university. Much to the relief of the admissions officer.

  5. Looked at train times to Edinburgh. It seems I will have make 2 changes. This is unavoidable, no matter what time I wish to travel. It also appears the Edinburgh Fringe Festival will be occurring. This may be good. Or it may be a massive inconvenience.
I went for a walk this evening. I am never going for a walk near the old railway track again close to dusk. There was a woman with no teeth who approached me and grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go and proceeded to tell me that her mother had died on the train track. I had two thoughts run immediately through my head. One: she was going to kill me. Two: I was going to miss the ITV Poirot dramatisation. Being completely unable to deal with such situations I opted to ignore her strange comments and her grip on my arm and make polite conversation. She suggested we walk to the canal. In retrospect I definitely should have just ran away screaming, but the potentially fatal urge to be polite at all times caused me to be led towards the canal. Although at her question of "can you swim?" my head cried "NO YOU FUCKING CAN'T! ABORT THIS SITUATION!" So I did. I pointed out that I would in fact be missing David Suchet's excellent performance and I was very sorry but I would have to leave immediately. She sort of lunged towards me to kiss me on the cheek. This was a bit too much for me, I don't find that acceptable in normal situations so I removed her hand from me and shuffled quickly off proffering my best wishes for her journey home. I then broke in to a run, which I managed to maintain until she was out of sight (the hours on the bike have paid off!). I would hate to have had to stop where she could have seen me, as she may have just murdered me, but more importantly she may have thought that I was desperately unfit.

I wish strange people wouldn't approach me. It puts me in quite the social quandary.