The least favourite PhD student.

It has already happened... I am my supervisor's least favourite PhD student. I was at coffee today when the other new PhD student came over to me. He asked how my meeting had gone with our supervisor. I told him I'd done the mandatory 5 hour wait for a slot, then sat on a bench outside his office with him while he chastised me for not using notation properly. Conclusion: I thought it had gone OK.

He seemed oddly surprised by this. So I asked him how his meeting had gone...

"Oh well, we went to lunch together and had a nice talk."

Oh. Clearly I am the crap one. I wish that I hadn't been told this vital piece of information. I liked it better when I thought we all had to wait and fight for our supervisor's time..

Bonn jour

So for better or worse I live in Bonn now.

1. It has been a relatively good week socially. I have been out quite a number of times with other people from the Institute.
   
2. I met my supervisor on Friday (after the obligatory 5 hour wait). Up until this point I was honestly wondering why I was here, I was wondering if I had perhaps made a poor decision- but talking with him (or rather him just talking at me) made me realise that he is the reason I am here. He is just great.
   
3. Maths-wise, I have not been so productive. It seems that doing a PhD is all about striking the balance between doing little work and coping your the guilt from doing little work.
   
4. I have been feeling exhausted for the past week. My eyes hurt and I feel on the verge of illness. If I am going to be ill I wish this would just happen.

Coat-peg update: Russian man hasn't been in for a while. One of the pronged coat-pegs is close to being secured as rightfully mine... unless he returns and seizes it back again.

Coat Peg politics

There are 3 coat pegs in the office and 3 people. Two of them have a prong at the top for hats/ scarves. One does not and is situated a little lower than the other two. I really want to put my coats and scarves on one of the ones with the prongs because on the one without the prong my scarves keep falling off, but I am scared that the guys will thing I am breaking some sort of unwritten rule of using their pegs. But they don't need the upper prongs!

Today, after almost 3 weeks of worrying of this I finally worked up the courage to put my coat/ scarf on a pronged peg. When I came back from lunch the Russian man had moved his coat to the peg I had used before. What does this mean? And more importantly... is this actually bothering anyone else in the office like it is me? I have the sneaking suspicion that the answer is no and in actual fact he had just been out to lunch (like he usually does) when I had and had just got back before me...

...

I feel like each day I get a little more broken. And I don't know how to fix myself.

Don't stop me now!

1. I sat waiting patiently for a seminar yesterday and nobody turned up. When I went to inquire as to what had happened I was informed that I had missed it because 16.10 was the date not the time of the seminar.. It was embarrassing and now I am sure that people will think I can't even understand dates and 24-hour time. I am a moron.
   
   
2. It was a little cold and so I stood up and asked the person next to me if he minded if I closed the window. The response was "I loathe your submissiveness". Apparently, what I would call "politeness" is "loathsome submissiveness" in me. Just when I thought I had worked out all of my character flaws...

Days are stressful. I feel like my self-confidence takes a regular thrashing. Please people, you win. Don't make me keep getting into the ring-- you win, you win. I am rubbish! To prepare myself for these days I listen to a theme song on the way in. At the moment it is "Don't stop me now" by Queen. I only live far enough away for 2 repetitions. Every morning I wish I lived a little further a way...

... like back at home!

The Rules

There are certain things that you are allowed to do in Germany that wouldn't really work in England:

1. Take dogs anywhere. I've seen them in supermarkets, department stores, banks...
2. Wear any item of leather/ white denim clothing.
3. Go up to people directly and say something about their face. Yesterday I was having a stroll through town when this man popped up and pointed at my face and said something. I only managed to translate the word "face" but I tried to memorise the phrase and look it up in my dictionary when I got home. I obviously immediately rushed to a mirror to see if I had anything smeared across me! But no. And needless to say I was unable to translate what the man had said. However I have now learned the words for ugly, unattractive and unpleasant in case I should ever be in that situation again.

I have only been "in the office" a week and I have already lost my access card. I am pretty sure the receptionist will look at me like I am massively incompetent when I finally get around to telling her. However, if I am being fair, this is no less than I deserve.

German Beer

When I was struggling in the Stadthaus with the millions of German forms I have to fill in I met a Dutch guy Alex. Last night I went out with him and this Greek flatmate. This morning I have a shocking hangover... I think I'd forgotten what hangovers felt like. They certainly don't feel nice.

Dear God

Dear God,

Please let my MAPLE code work today. Please let me find the anti-commutative tensor notation that the new version of MAPLE seems to have erased. Please let it just be finished because it has dragged on for 4 whole days now and I grow weary of it.

Amen

I don't know.

I miss home, and I can't tell my parents because they will respond with the oh-so-supportive "this was your decision". I can't really explain it to any friends from university because most of them are actually still at my old university and will say, in that slightly exasperated way at what they perceive to be my own melodrama, "oh it'll be fine". I don't want to hear that. I know I am supposed to be brave and laugh and think that it will be fine, but I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to explain that I feel more lonely here than I ever have before. I am scared I will forget what my voice sounds like.

Ich bin ein...

So, I am in Germany.

1. I had a fantastic final weekend in London with Mike, Ken and Gareth.
   
2. Arrived at airport and had to removed 9kg of stuff. Limit has changed from 32kg to 23kg.
3. Flouted BA's rules of only 2 pieces of hand luggage. Got away with flout by crying loudly all the way through security, thereby distracting guards when I sneakily put 2 big bags and a small suitcase through.
4. Arrived in Frankfurt. Big suitcase not on carrousel.
   
5. Waited over 3 hours in a BA customer services queue to get a form to fill in, and a miniature milky way.
6. Arrived in Bonn 13 hours after leaving house to travel. The flight only took 1.5 hours.
   

But today my luggage has arrived! My things are here and that makes me happy. I will never again take for granted having all of my things! I will also never again pack my hand luggage so non usefully. All I really managed to bring in that were enough textbooks and notepads to have built a small fort.