A load of complaints

I think my advisor is trying to make up for the fact he hasn't been here for many many weeks by seeing me every second of the day. That doesn't really leave alot of time for productive work, nay work- yet he does not realise this. He will ask me if I've made any progress on what we talked about previously and my insides scream "No.. because I've barely left your office long enough to walk to my room and turn straight back around, let alone investigate the results of my computer code!"

I think I would like a break. I mean a proper one. Not a few hours where I don't work and just feel guilty about not working. I want at least a week. I can't wait to go home for a bit. My sleeping pattern is becoming disturbed again. I woke up late today as I fell asleep last night between 8pm and midnight and then got up to simultaneously run some tests and watch "The Bourne Ultimatum." I quite liked this film actually, even though I am not convinced I understood it- everyone looked the same to me. I also hand-washed some clothes, but just like in some awful sketch show everything white is now tinted pink. I don't even know how this could have happened as I wasn't even washing anything even remotely red! I also had to steal a washing rack under the cover of darkness to hang them on. It wasn't actually theft, more re-location of things around college. I'm also still waiting for Alan to come to tea.

So I didn't make it into the department until late and then I just had a really long coffee break, which spanned 2 hours. Then I hid from my advisor for a bit, systematically refreshing my inbox, praying he hadn't emailed me to tell me how crap I am/tell me he wants to see me, waiting until I could legitimately go home. I don't know why I do that; not let myself go home until after 6pm. Sometimes (ok, alot of the time) it's not even as if I'm doing anything other than lying with my head on the desk listening to depressing songs on YouTube, but if I stay in the department until 6pm I can somehow convince myself that the day wasn't a total write-off.

I think I might have actually been doing something today as suddenly my friend Amrita (Masters' student) came to join me and I realised it was 6.40pm . She was a bit upset as she'd just had a meeting with her advisor. We agreed that there is something very disheartening about sitting next to your professor for a few hours and having him tear apart your work. What is quite annoying is when you're both thinking about a problem and your professor is making "dum-de-dum" noises. What are motivational noises for him, are distracting noises for the student and soon all you can think about is the noise he's making.. and it has long since gone from your head what you're actually trying to do. Then he'll look up and say something along the lines of "come on, it's your work" and you just look blankly at him, while he makes a mental note (if you're unlucky it'll be verbal) that you're mentally sub-normal. Speaking of looking blank my advisor said I would have to give a talk on what I have found. Well now.. that will be short. Sometimes I think he says these threatening things just to watch me panic. One of these days it will backfire though and I'll actually have a heart-attack.