Re: ality

1. My brother (who has returned home for a bit from university- despite only having been a way for a little over a week [obviously he misses me!!]) has given me a lot of music for my new mac. This makes me happy. I think he only agreed so that he could go through his own music calling out artists and then laugh at my blank face...                                                                 
2. I am trying not to listen to sad music, so as not to perpetuate my misery.                                                                                                                                                                                                             
3. Went to see "Mama Mia" with mum and her sisters. Sadly I am generally rubbish compared to "Sophie" in the show... that was possibly the closest my mum is "ever going to come to a wedding"... but I won points because I was the only niece/daughter who braved the event!                                                                                                                                    
4. I have to get up to have my photograph taken by the local paper tomorrow. 9am is a most inconvenient time for me to be anyway that is not my bed. I am not very happy with this at all!                                                                                                                                                                 
5. I miss Joey.                                     

Tom, Anna and I

I have spent the last 4 days in Durham. It was really, very good. God, I am going to miss it. I am going to miss my Anna and Tom, sitting and moaning about everything and generally talking about anything. I'll miss take-aways and and play fights. I will miss hugs and tantrums. I will miss everything about them. 

A dog by any other name...

Today I was thinking about modular forms and the Riemann surfaces on which they live. This is really very interesting, expecially thinking of Riemann surfaces as ringed spaces. It seems so much nicer to me to consider a complex structure on a topological space X, not as an equivalence class of coordinate coverings of X, but as a sheaf of C-algebras on X satisfying the condition that there is an open covering X= Uu_{i} such that each (u_{i}, O_{X}u_{i}) is isomorphic to a standard ringed space.

It was quite a nice day so late in the afternoon I decided to go for a walk. I always walk in the fields behind my house, so I began on my usual route.

As I approached the old railway bridge, I saw a group of people. So I quickly reduced the sound on my iPod. There are 2 reason why I do this.

1. I don't want people potentially thinking that I have an awful taste in music.
2. I don't want people to hear my music in case they think I think I don't have awful taste in music and am trying to subject them to it.

I have to perform this task discreetly because otherwise people might realise the reasons why I am doing this, thus negating the precautionary measures, and making me look even more pathetic.

Anyway, as I approached I realised it was a group of teenagers. Watching me. Oh god. My ultimate nightmare. Immediately I think "Am I walking normally?" I am always more aware of abnormal walking when people are watching me. I didn't want to look at them too much- but I ended up doing that flickering of the eyes towards and away from them.

I don't understand why teenagers always seem to be so confident. I don't remember being confident. I also don't understand why they always make me feel like I am back in high school- like they're poised ready to lock me in the girls' toilet.

Then as I walked past, the inevitable insult came:

"I thought you had to have a dog to walk here. But then I suppose you are one..."

Oh god. I've heard it. They knew I'd heard it and we all know it's true! Just when I can't feel worse about myself, it happens. Well done, teenagers.

I scurried on past, probably crimson red, mentally planning a new route home to avoid any other possible encounters with people. I hate people, but more than that- I really hate being me.

Eyes Eyes Eyes.

1. I went to the Optician's on Monday. I now have stronger glasses. I took the opportunity to fully question the woman on 20-20 vision. Or rather the 6-6 vision that the English use. I think she got annoyed by this and as punishment when I had to have the glucoma test (the one where the pressure in the eye is tested by blowing a puff into the eye) she missed my eye twice. Eurgghh. I hate that test. I also hate it when they look into your eye with a microscope. This always makes me feel like I have a tumour.
   
   
2. I got an email asking me to confirm an interview I have at the LMS soon. The email said "please confirm by Friday COP." As I did not understand what "COP" means (and a google search yielded many non-useful acronyms) I replied asking, and the lady sent me back an email saying:
   
   "COP means Close of play – a work term you may find you will use often, if you ever have a career, to get ppl to meet deadlines!"
   
   What does this mean? Does she infer that I will never have a career? Has she being speaking to my parents?
   
   
3. Oh and anyone on facebook, please add tetris.
   

Every woman should be able to...

MSN news has provided me with 30 things I should be able to do...

1. Put herself first.
   Well, I don't have children or anything so I am having this one.
   
2. Leave the house without make-up on.
   It isn't pretty but I can, and frequently do this one.
   
3. Walk in high heels.
   Sadly, no. I am in no way graceful or elegant.
   
4. Walk in flat shoes.
   Yes. Huzaar!
   
5. Drive.
   No.
   
6. Put flat-pack furniture together.
   I don't know. I'd like to think I can.
   
7. Say no.
   I don't understand this one. Apparently men "say no" all the time...
   
8. Go out alone.
   I don't really have too many qualms about having lunch alone, or going to the cinema alone. This is necessary if you have few friends.
   
9. Master her own finances.
   Well, no one else is willing to do it...
   
10. Keep a blog.
    Yes.
    
11. Know how a computer works.
    Yes.
    
12. Ask a man out.
    I can think of nothing worse.
    
13. Put herself forward.
    Again, I don't understand this one. I can't imagine suggesting myself for anything, because then that would infer I would think I were the best person for the task. This is very unlikely.
    
14. Hold her own in the presence of a car mechanic.
    Probably not.
    
15. Pitch a tent.
    Yes.
    
16. Walk away from a bad relationship.
    ?
    
17. Give her opinion.
    Yes.
    
18. Do DIY.
    This depends. I can and have changed a plug. Does this count?
    
19. Cultivate male friendships.
    Most of my friends are male.
    
20. Be single (and happy).
    Not sure about the happy bit.
    
21. Know what "her" karaoke song is.
    Karaoke... I have to be very drunk, then I'll sing anything.. badly.
    
22. Assert her needs.
    I don't understand these vague ones about "needs" and "wants" and "desires".
    
23. Age gracefully.
    Just aging at the moment.
    
24. Make at least one impressive dinner party meal.
    I've only ever cooked once properly for my friends. I think it went well. I have a scar down my arm from it. (Note: this is not why I think it went well.)
    
25. Know what suits her.
    Oversize T-shirts with foreign words on them suit me. I'm having this one.
    
26. Forget about her own stuff for a while.
    Too vague.
    
27. Use a digital camera/ iPhone/ Sky+box/ other gadget.
    Mainly yes.
    
28. Pack lightly.
    Yes.
    
29. Do nothing.
    The last few months have been testiment to that!
    
30. Love herself the way she is.
    Urghh, I hate the writers of MSN news.

Well, I imagine that was exciting for everyone.

What is success?

Success, I suppose, means different things to different people. Sadly, it seems that my mum has some magical conditions on what success is- conditions which I can never know and am always going to fall short of.